


Six Years, One Day.

by JaceRMontague



Series: 30k in 30 days [22]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Little big angsty, but hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaceRMontague/pseuds/JaceRMontague
Summary: At seventeen Emma and Regina were basically a married couple. At twenty-three they hadn't exchanged a single word in more than half a decade after Emma was forced away from the person she loved. Six years to the day that Emma had walked out of Regina's and never returned, she see's a familar face in New York City.





	1. One.

Regina woke with a startle, her breath erratic from the nightmare that had taken over her sleep, almost falling out of her bed. She had always lain as close to the edge as humanly possible. That was a lie. She had only begun lying as close to the edge of the bed when she had started sharing it with Emma. Emma was a restless sleeper and the only way Regina could avoid being bruised from the sleeping blonde’s kicks and flailing arms was to sleep as close to the edge as she could. 

After the first two weeks of waking every morning with nightmares and falling to heavily to the ground with the shock of waking up, Regina had managed to find a way to stay atop the bed. Though there was always a blanket on the floor just incise she didn’t catch herself fast enough. She hadn’t managed to sleep in the middle of the bed yet. Even though she had moved from Maine to New York. Even if she rolled into the middle of the bed she would end up on the edge of the bed every by the time she drifted into sleep. Even if it had been nearly six years since Emma had last kicked her in the gut. That time though, the kick had been figurative. Neither of them slept long enough for it to become literal.

The nightmare was always the same. It was always that one night almost six years ago, Regina didn’t even know if it counted as a nightmare. Until she’d begun having it she thought that nightmares were spiders and monsters and death. And then she remembered the nightmares she had had when her father had died and realised the pain was the same – the heartbreak was just as hard to handle when her father had died as it was when Emma had walked away. And so she counted it as a nightmare, because really, what was scarier than losing the person you love?

Regina had thought that, after a while, the pain of reliving it would ease. In the same way that if you listen to a song too many times you stop being affected by it. Or the way that if someone says your name too many times it stops sounding like your name – you feel distant from it. She had expected reliving the night over and over would eventually become like that. Hers but not. But it still hadn’t. The pain was still hers and six years later it still hurt as much as it did when it had actually happened.  
Regina looked at the alarm clock that she kept beside her bed. Instead of the time though, she focused on the date. She felt a fresh wave of pain wash over her and her stomach was knotted. It had been six years to the day that Emma had walked away. She knew it wasn’t Emma’s choice – her decision, not really. But the way the blonde had handled the situation had ruined Regina and so six years on Regina lay, still clutching the edge of the mattress, her knuckles white with the grip, hating the date because even just seeing it light up on her phone screen made the memories feel so much more real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any wintery/christmassy prompts let me know either here or on my tumblr (onceuponafandomismabyss) or my twitter (itssammiey (i know i have a writing specific twitter but honestly i dont use it and onl really use my personal bc im an unorganised mess))


	2. Two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the past

 

Emma had come home after school – well, it was as good as home. As long as she returned to her foster mother’s house by her one am curfew, had completed her housework for the day and kept out of trouble her foster mother did not care where Emma was, nor who with and so for all but the four hours between one and five that Emma was obliged to stay in the foster home, she had effectively moved in with the brunette. She had come home, letting herself into the mansion with the key that Regina had had cut for her the year before and threw her bag down in the porch, sliding out of her trainers and kicking them beside her bag.

 

This was the one day a week that the duo didn’t walk home together; Emma had to attend counselling for an hour on Thursday’s and so Regina would always go home without Emma and start on dinner. They used to laugh about the mundane domesticity that the two of them possessed, Emma had just turned seventeen and Regina was just shy of turning eighteen and the two were basically a married couple.

Emma, for once in her life, placed her shoes and he bag in the places they belonged in the porch instead of just leaving them in the middle of the floor before disappearing down the hallway in her socks, walking quietly and slowly.  She found Regina in the kitchen, slicing ingredients and singing along to radio. Emma stayed silent, taking in the way Regina looked, the way she moved, the way that even though Regina claimed that she couldn’t sing, her voice was amazing. Once Emma had walked in on her rapping along to a Spanish song and Emma had sworn she had never heard anything as beautiful.

 

Emma watched from the hallway as Regina’s hips moved with the beat of the music, watched how focused Regina was when it came to the ingredients in front of her – cooking was something she had done with her father when she was child and it had turned into such a passion that the brunette was determined to go to culinary school.  She studied, albeit from a distance, the curves of the brunettes face, the softness of her eyes and the way the light caught them, making their deep cappuccino colour seem  almost caramel in colour, she took note of every curve and edge of Regina, committing every detail from the now visible, but usually hidden, stick-and-poke that had been done when they were drunk -Emma tattooed a small Jupiter on Regina’s right ankle and Regina had tattooed an alien ship onto the side of Emma’s left wrist – to the scar above Regina’s lip from where the brunette had been attacked by a cat when she was younger,  to her memory.

 

Once Emma could no longer stand being hidden in the shadows of the hallway she made her way into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around Regina’s waist, kissing her neck softly.

 

‘Your back early’ the brunette observed as she put the knife down and placed her hands on top of Emma’s.

 

‘Hmm’ Emma replied, still placing kisses on Regina’s neck.

 

‘I didn’t hear you come in’ Regina said softly, her voice catching slightly as Emma latched onto her pulse point, kissing and sucking until Regina’s pulse could only be found under bruised skin.

 

Emma pulled away barely, her nose still resting against neck, her breath warm against the brunette’s skin.

 

‘I wanted to surprise you.’ Emma murmured.

 

Regina turned in Emma’s arms, their bodies pressed flush against one another as she used one hand to gently tilt Emma’s head so the blonde was staring into Regina’s eyes. She’d miss this. The gap between the two of them was closed; Regina catching Emma’s lips within her own. The kiss started tender, gentle, carful. Emma tried to engrave it in her memory but she was so much more focused on the kiss itself rather than her mental preservation of it. The kiss deepened quickly and soon enough the ingredients were left forgotten in the kitchen as Emma led Regina to the guest room – it was closest. Most of their clothes had been discarded somewhere between the kitchen and the bed.

 

The sex was messy and passionate; hands tangled in hair, kisses that landed on chins and cheeks and noses more often than they landed lips because each was desperate for air. The bruise on Regina’s neck from the kitchen didn’t remain the only mark for long. Regina had found more than she cared to count the next morning across her body. Emma had done the same the next evening, when she found sometime alone for the first time since she had arrived back at the foster home.

 

Hours later, the two were still lying wrapped around one another, Regina could tell something was wrong with Emma but the blonde was adamant that there was nothing going on, that everything was okay. It sounded fake to Emma’s own ears but Regina new Emma well enough to let it slide.

 

Eventually the dark began seeping through the windows and covered the girls. They remained there, drifting in and out of consciousness – every time one of them would drift of the other would wake them with kisses to the forehead; it was a game that had started a while ago – Regina would use it to wake Emma up, to try to stop her from falling into deep sleep. Deep sleep for Emma meant two things; she’d’ become restless and would end up kicking Regina as well as becoming almost impossible to wake when it was time for her to leave so that she would be able to make the curfew. Emma used it to wake Regina and pull her away from the edge of the bed, to hold her close and stop her from falling off the edge of the bed.

 

A while later, darkness was completely smothering the room and it seemed as if everywhere was silent – no cars could be heard on the road and Regina was finding herself drifting off once more. She found herself wishing that Emma would stay the night, that for once she would be able to wake up in the morning light with the blonde beside her. Just as Regina was about to open her mouth and ask Emma to stay the alarms on both of their phones that signified midnight blared through the house, both coming from somewhere in the hallway where jackets and jeans were abandoned hours before.

 

Slowly – reluctantly – they pulled apart from one another, sliding out of their opposite sides of the bed and walking down the hallway, separating one another’s clothes from the piles on the ground and getting changed as they went.

 

They were both solemn; they always were when Emma had to leave. Regina didn’t want the blonde to go and Emma didn’t want to leave. This time though, it was heavier than usual. Regina had convinced herself at the time that it was because she was sleepy – everything was slow and heavy. But looking back at it now she knew that even back then she had known that something wasn’t right.

 

That night Emma had insisted that Regina stay at the house, stay in the warmth of the mansion and for once, the one and only time she had done so, Regina complied though she persuaded Emma to ring her and stay on the phone until she was back at the foster home so that she knew the blonde got home safe.

 

Emma had nodded and had picked up her phone, wincing slightly at the thirty-seven missed calls from her foster mother and her social worker. She ignored the missed calls along with the twenty-something voicemails and thirty text messages, instead she typed in Regina’s phone number and pressed dial, making sure that them were engaged in a phone call before she had even left the house. She pulled her jacket back on and led the way to the porch; pulling her trainers and her bag back on before turning and kissing Regina once more. The kiss was lingering. This kiss Emma made sure was engraved in her mind.

 

‘I love you’ Regina whispered as she pulled away, resting her forehead against Emma’s, their noses pressed together.

 

‘I love you, too’ Emma replied, her voice quiet. ‘Don’t forget that.’

 

Regina laughed, the laugher soft and slightly confused ‘I’ll always remember that, Em.’

 

With that, Emma kissed Regina once more, it was chaste, quick, though it held just as much emotion as everything else they had done that day. Then she walked away from the mansion. It felt odd doing that without Regina despite having the brunette on the other end of the phone line.

 

‘You’re beautiful.’ Emma whispered. It hadn’t been the first time that Emma had whispered those words that night,

 

‘You’ve said.’ Regina reminded softly.

 

‘You’re worth more than me.’

 

‘Em? Are you okay? Wait there and I’ll come meet you, we can talk’

 

‘No!’ Emma said quickly, ‘No, don’t. It’s okay.’

 

‘Then we can talk in the morning.’ Regina said. Already planning what bus she’d get on to get to school early enough to talk to Emma properly.

 

‘No, Gi’ Emma sighed. She sounded defeated. ‘We can’t’ Emma’s voice cracked and Regina heard as Emma took a sharp breath. Regina know the blonde was crying. 

 

She didn’t notice, however, that so was she.

 

‘Emma.’ Regina’s voice was as firm as she could force it to be. Though, being honest with herself, wasn’t very firm. Her voice was shaking. ‘Are you breaking up with me?’

 

‘I don’t want to.’

 

‘Then why are you?!’

 

‘They know!’ Emma exclaimed, she was exhausted and angry and downright devastated. ‘They fucking know!’

 

No explanation was needed about who knew what. Regina knew exactly what Emma was saying.

 

Regina heard a heart wrenching sob.  She didn’t know if it had come from herself or Emma.

 

‘What are they going to do?’

 

‘They’re moving me. Three hours away.  I have to leave school. I probably won’t see you again for a while.’ Emma had admitted through the tears.

 

‘And you thought the best way to handle it was to come here and sleep with me and hope I wouldn’t notice you were missing?!’ Regina growled.

 

‘No. Yes. I don’t know! All I know is that I didn’t want to go to yours and hurt you.’

‘What?! Because this is  _sooo_  much easier!’ Regina spat ‘I love you Emma! I fucking love you and you didn’t even have the decency to tell me you were leaving to my face!’

 

‘I know. I’m sorry’ Emma whispered.

 

Regina stayed on the line for a few minutes, the only sounds were the static on the line and a few cars that drove past Emma as she walked along the main road.

Regina heard some shouting and screaming and swearing on the other end of the line. Even though it was muffled she knew that Emma’s foster mother had spotted the blonde at the top of the road and was shouting from the house.

 

‘I love you, Regina. So much.’ Emma said firmly despite the tears and the verbal abuse she was getting. ‘Don’t ever forget that.’

 

Regina hadn’t had the chance to reply before she heard the social worker whose voice she vaguely recognised saying something like ‘what’ve you done now, Emma?’ and the beep that signified the end of the phone call.

 

Regina’s phone was thrown across her hallway. She heard it shatter but didn’t care. Instead she sunk down in the cold porch and wept. She wasn’t sure when she had fallen asleep. Or if she’d fallen asleep – she didn’t remember waking up. All she knew was that at some point it had become light again and she ached all over.

It had taken three days for Regina to gather the strength to go back into the guest room. She didn’t expect to find anything other than the comforter creased and in a heap on the floor somewhere. She hadn’t expected to find anything of Emma’s in there. That’s probably why she wept for an hour when she had found the grey beanie Emma had worn religiously. Regina now wore it every time it was cold enough to warrant a woollen hat.


	3. Three.

Now though, Regina was a few months shy of twenty-four and she knew, though she hated that she remembered, that Emma would have turned twenty-three a month before hand. Regina looked at her phone once more and saw it was a little after five in the morning. She knew that there was next to no chance that she would sleep again that day and so she got out of the bed, flexing her hands as she did so – they were sore from clutching the edge of the mattress so hard.

She stripped out of her pyjamas and left them on the ground. She’d sort them out later. She checked the temperature and decided that she’d go to the gym instead of going running. She pulled her gym clothes on and threw a pair of jeans, a button up and Emma’s beanie in her gym bag for after her workout. With that she went downstairs and jogged to the gym despite it being pitch black out still.

Regina worked out until the point when her body, and her personal trainer, Graham - who hadn’t expected the brunette to appear in the gym for another week – were begging her to stop. She’d been completing high-intensity workouts for the better part of three hours without having had anything to eat or drink since lunch time the previous day. She always pushed herself too hard when she thought about Emma. She didn’t care though.

Despite her insistence and her determination that she could handle more exercise she felt her head going dizzy and Graham had threatened to carry her back to locker rooms over his shoulder so she conceded and wandered back to the locker rooms herself. It took longer than it should have done because of her light-headedness and her body which was suddenly feeling four hours of workouts at once.

She showered, got changed into her clean outfit, including the beanie and decided that best thing she could do was go to the Starbucks next door and pump herself full of caffeine and sugar.

She joined the queue without looking up from her phone. She knew what she wanted and she knew that the barista’s in here were accustomed to her apparent rudeness though now they knew it was usually because she was replying to hundreds of business emails. She thought that she had lost her passion for cooking for other people and believed that she had become cold and sharp when Emma left. What better field for her than law?

Regina glanced up just long enough to see she was the front of the queue and approached the registers, still looking at the blackberry she was holding tightly in her hand.

‘just a venti caramel macchiato with two extra espresso’s’ Regina ordered, her eyes scanning an email from one of the men trying to get her job. Most of the people at the company felt shafted that Regina had joined the company and had climbed to the top rank within a year of leaving school, which she had completed a year early. Everyone wanted her job and Regina, despite her desire to leave and go to culinary school – it was one of her greatest regrets; not becoming a chef – was refusing to budge purely due to principle and point proving. The email she had received was condescending and downright rude. Regina rolled her eyes, screenshot it for future reference and began forming an email which he was to take as his formal written warning.

‘Regina?’

The brunette’s eyes shot up and her phone nearly dropped though she just about caught it.

‘Emma?’ Regina asked, though she had no reason to. The smile, the dimples, the wavy blonde hair, the green eyes with specks of yellow. It was Emma, through and through it was Emma. Right down to the tattoo that was poking out under the watch she was wearing.

Both were confused at the sudden appearance of the other. Neither had heard from one another since Emma had hung up without waiting for a reply six years ago to the day. Neither had expected to see the other nearly four hundred and fifty miles from where they had last been together.

‘Hi.’ The blonde whispered.

Regina’s brow creased. She could feel a lump in her throat beginning to form. She wondered if she looked as shell-shocked as Emma did. She opened her mouth to reply when she was cut off by the store manager.

‘Swan! Your shift ends in ten minutes you can socialise then!’ the manager barked. Regina glanced at the clock, it was ten to nine. She wondered if being interrupted during important moments between herself and Emma was a hobby.

Emma nodded and passed the cup over to the other barista who began making Regina’s drink. The brunette went to hand money over to pay but Emma shook her head.

‘No. This is on me.’ She said with a smile

Regina’s order was called at the other end of the counter and she began walking away.

‘Wait for me?’ She asked Emma ask quietly as if not to be heard by her manager though it was loud enough that Regina heard. Regina also heard the undeniable hope in Emma’s voice.

She didn’t answer the blonde but instead she took her to-go coffee and sat on one of the couches in the furthest corner from the counter she could get.

And then she waited.


	4. Four.

By the time Emma had finished her shift and locked the green apron in her locker Regina’s coffee had grown cold and had remained untouched. Her mind was whirring to the point she was feeling sick and the coffee sat on the table while she thought of Emma.

Emma approached the sofa pushed into the far corner of the shop. It had been her favourite place to sit before she begun working here. Now she hated even being in here.

Regina looked up, her brow still creased, her eyes deep and searching for something. Emma remained standing.

‘Do you mind if we go elsewhere?’ Emma asked.

Regina was about to object, argue that Emma can’t just walk away from Regina and then come back six years later and ask if they can ‘go elsewhere’ but she caught a glimpse of Emma’s manager who was glaring at the back of Emma’s head and stood up, picking up her gym bag and cold coffee, gesturing for Emma to lead the way.

‘Where do you want to go?’ Emma asked once the door had closed behind them and they were stood in the bitter cold. Her voice hadn’t changed. Not by much at least. It had matured, Regina guessed, but it was still distinctly Emma.

She wondered how much she’d changed to Emma.

‘I don’t mind. Just somewhere warm.’ Regina answered, placing her tongue between her teeth to stop them chattering.

Emma nodded and thought for a second.

‘We can go to a different coffee shop or if you want to go somewhere private we can go to this hidden library I know, it’ll be shut now but I’ve the keys or my place is closer? I mean you probably won’t want to. I get that I can’t just invite you over after all this ti- ‘

Regina felt herself soften a little. Emma still rambled when she was nervous. Regina was annoyed that Emma was still so Emma and that after all this time she was suddenly here and making Regina feel like she was seventeen again and hadn’t been holding a six-year grudge against the woman she loved.

‘How close?’ Regina interrupted Emma mid-flow, giving the blonde and opportunity to take a breath before she talked herself into unconsciousness.

‘The library or…?’ Emma trailed off, not wanting to assume Regina meant her place.  
She couldn’t believe Regina was here in front of her. The brunette had changed, of course she had, they weren’t teenagers anymore. But despite the sharpness of her features, the muscles that had developed, the mask that Regina seemed to have develop and was wearing – though it was falling now that Emma had got Emma out of the Starbucks - and the purple under her eyes from the obvious exhaustion, 

Regina was still Regina. She was still the teenager who had finished a bottle of Jack and pulled out a bottle of ink and a needle, taken Emma’s wrist in her hand and whispered ‘trust me’, she was still the person who Emma loved more than anything. She was Regina – she was Regina wearing the hat she had sworn she would never wear. Emma smiled a little at this.

‘Your home, Emma.’ Regina confirmed.

‘Oh, it’s like a five minute walk. And it’s less of a home than it is a place to sleep.’ Emma admitted.

‘That’s okay.’ Regina replied.

She didn’t know why she was doing this. Why she hadn’t just walked out of the Starbucks when she had first seen Emma, why she hadn’t refused Emma paying for her drink which was only getting colder in her hand, why she was had waited for Emma’s shift to end, why she was about to follow Emma to the blonde’s place, why she wasn’t angry.

Emma nodded, looking slightly confused and worried. She was worried about what Regina would think about her room with the water patches on the ceiling and the squeaky floor above a questionable Chinese restaurant. At least that’s what she was telling herself. Well, she was worried about that, she’d practically live her teenage years in Regina’s mansion and now she had a room with a bed and a sofa. But she was more worried about what would happen between herself and Regina. She had accepted long ago that she and Regina would never be a couple again. She was confused about the fact Regina was still here, calm and not shouting the odds. She had been expecting an all-out war when she had asked Regina to wait. In fact, she’d been expecting Regina to walk out without looking back. Emma wouldn’t have blamed her.

Emma nodded once more, as if to confirm that she was actually in the same place as Regina and then she led the way to her apartment. Neither spoke on the walk. They were both worried they’d end up fighting before they even reached the front door. They were both painfully aware of the other’s confusion at the entire situation they had found themselves in.


	5. Five.

Regina took in her surroundings, they were still in mid-New York, but somehow how it looked completely different, the buildings were falling down a little, everything looked run down and breaking and smelt like rotting food. Regina, despite herself – despite her grudge, felt for Emma living here.  
‘It’s not too bad when you get used to it. Apparently.’ Emma muttered as she stepped over some rubbish and began climbing the concrete steps.  
‘Apparently?’ Regina questioned, grimacing at the sight of what she was hoping was spilt food.

‘I wouldn’t know. I moved in six months ago, I’m not here often. Not used to it yet.’ Emma shrugged as she used one hand to line the key with the keyhole and the other to jam it into the lock.

‘Your lock stiff?’ Regina asked.

‘The entire door’s broken.’ Emma said as she shouldered the door open.

She was embarrassed. She should never have suggested her house. She forgot how vile it was. She hadn’t been back in a few days.

The door opened enough for them to walk in and Emma left it open.

She caught Regina’s questioning glance.

‘It’ll be awkward if you try to leave and the door won’t open.’ Emma deadpanned, partially serious in what she was saying. If Regina wanted to leave she didn’t want the crappy door to make things worse by not opening.

Regina followed Emma into the room, and realised that the room was all there really was. There was an unmade single bed in one corner and a sofa in the middle, a small, broken television against one of the walls, Emma’s suitcase and a cardboard box at the foot of the bed. The only other door led to the bathroom.

‘You can see why I’m not here often. You don’t need to use a mask,’ Emma said watching Regina and her completely neutral face. Neutral with the exception of one flicker of distaste when she had first seen the room, that is. ‘You’re allowed to hate it as much as I do. You must smash poker.’

‘I’m a lawyer. I had to develop a poker face.’ Regina said bluntly.

She could feel herself getting angry once more. She shouldn’t need to tell Emma that she was a lawyer, Emma should have known, Emma should have been there when Regina was pulling all-nighter’s completing last minute revision for her Bar. If Emma had never left, then maybe Regina wouldn’t be in law in the first place. Maybe she wouldn’t be holding a position she hated in a job she didn’t like anymore just to point prove.

‘You’re a lawyer?’

‘Yes, Emma Corporate Law.’

‘Wow’ Emma sighed out, sitting on the arm of the second hand, torn up sofa.  
Regina placed her gym bag on the ground and sat on the opposite arm of the sofa, looking at the wall opposite, her coffee cup resting on her knees and her chin resting on top of the cup. Emma turned so her feet were resting on the seat of the sofa, watching Regina.

They fell into a long silence. An awkward, uncomfortable silence. Neither wanted to talk but both wanted answers.

‘I didn’t think you’d go into law’ Emma said finally, she watched as Regina’s brow creased ever so slightly once more before the brunette turned to face her.

‘What did you think?’ Regina asked. Her voice was void of any emotion.

Emma ignored the lack of emotion in Regina’s question, answering it as if it was just a normal conversation. She didn’t know if it was the smartest way to go about the situation but it was the only way she could think off.

‘I always thought you’d go into culinary. Become some major Michelin star chef, cooking with pans of fire and ingredients I can’t even pronounce.’ Emma admitted.  
She had spent hours upon hours thinking about what Regina was doing, where she was, how she was doing. When she wasn’t thinking about how Regina was she was thinking about how their lives would have been if her foster mother hadn’t found out that Emma was gay and had sent her as far as way as she could. She wondered if they’d still be together, though she had no doubt that they would be. She would daydream if they would be living together properly, if she’d be Regina’s sous chef when it came to Regina practising for school – or would she be her most honest critic? Would Emma still be an artist-in-training? Would Regina be her model, her muse?

When Emma wasn’t daydreaming about life and what it could have been, she was focusing on surviving.

‘I stopped pursuing cooking not long after you left. I was angry and fell out of love with cooking and my guidance councillor suggested law so that’s exactly what I did.’  
‘Do you like law?’ Emma asked, pretending that Regina hadn’t just implied that Emma leaving was the reason she had stopped cooking.

‘Hate it. So fucking much.’ Regina admitted. She didn’t want to answer any of the questions Emma was bound to have about why Regina was still in law. Or even in law in the first place. So she shifted the topic. ‘How about you?’

They both felt weird. They hadn’t seen each other in six years and now they were sitting in Emma’s room making small talk. They were both wondering how long the farce would hold up.

‘Besides the night shift at the Starbucks?’ Emma scoffed a little. ‘I’m a bails bonds person too.’ She sighed. ‘Starbucks is a regular pay packet and a dry place to hide in at night when I’m avoiding here. It pays well – bails bonds, that is. But I’m saving up, hence this place. Not that I’d need much more than this cause I’m never in.’ Emma rambled.

Regina studied Emma and everything she said, turning the sentences over in her head.

Emma saw the questioning look on Regina’s face.

‘Ask away.’ She mumbled, meeting Emma’s eyes.

‘Why bails bonds? Why here?’

‘I’m really fucking good at finding people – ‘

‘Except me’ Regina interjected

‘I was scared. I know the mansion is still in your name. And that Rocinante is still stabled at the paddock two miles from your house though Kat’s been looking after him. I know that when I last looked you hadn’t been home in three years. And I knew you were here, somewhere. And once I got that far I stopped because I was scared and a coward.’

The façade broke.


	6. Six.

Regina stood up and began pacing.

‘You mean you were searching for me and then stopped because you were scared? That you were able to contact me if you really wanted to? And you didn’t because you were scared? You were scared?!’

‘Yes! Okay? I was scared. Downright terrified if you must know! I had spent the god knows how long after I left trying to ring you whenever I could find a phone. My phone was taken from me. I didn’t get one of my own until I was nineteen, Regina. Every time I found a phone or I borrowed one or I stole one, I’d ring you. And it always went through to voicemail until one day it said that your number had been disconnected and I stopped ringing you. I didn’t know what’s going on and I didn’t know how to find you until I became a bails bonds person. And then it’d been five years and now its six years and I didn’t know what to do. And I don’t know what to do!’ Emma exclaimed. She stood in the way of Regina, stopping the brunette from pacing the floor.

‘I don’t know what to do, Regina!’ She repeated, meeting brown eyes, her voice becoming uncertain. ‘Tell me what to do’ she whispered, reaching out and placing her hands on Regina’s shoulders. It was the first time they’d touched in six years. Six years since they had kissed and now Emma was standing there, near tears, begging for Regina to help her.

Regina looked away before meeting Emma’s eyes once more.

She took a step back, Emma’s hands dropped to her side and her face crumpled. Tears began falling down her face and she turned away. She was about to walk away to the bathroom to wipe her eyes when she felt a hand on her own shoulder.  
‘Wait.’ Regina said, quickly, her own voice shaking in the one word she said.  
Emma turned back to face Regina wiping her face with the heel of her palm.

‘Talk to me.’ Regina whispered. ‘Tell me what’s happened. What happened when you left? Why you did what you fucking did?!’ She stopped and took a breath, calming down a little. ‘Talk to me.’

Emma nodded and took a breath and sat back on the arm of the chair, moving out of Regina’s grasp as she sat down. Regina sat on the actual seat of the sofa this time, though stayed as far from Emma as the sofa allowed.

‘I think- ‘Emma turned and rested her feet on the seat of the sofa once more and turned to face Regina again. ‘I think the answer you really want is why I did what I did’ Emma said, watching Regina, knowing that she wouldn’t deny it. When Regina nodded, Emma carried on.

‘On the way from final class to counselling, do you remember that my phone didn’t stop ringing when I was telling you I’d meet you back at the mansion after counselling like normal?’  
Regina nodded once more, she remembered pretty much everything from that day, she’d thought and over-thought about it for six years now, wondering how they’d gone from everything being great in the morning and the only people knowing about them being their best friends, Kathryn and Ruby to that afternoon when everything was awful and everyone knowing.

‘It was Mary Margaret. The social worker. She told me she’d been called to the foster home to collect me because my foster mother was pissed that I’m gay. That I was being moved a few hours away. That I’d be allowed to attend the counselling session and would be collected from the school afterwards. She seemed to think that letting me spend an hour with the shrink was a grace, that it would make everything better. So I spent twenty minutes in the school, I knew that Mary Margret would be in the carpark waiting for me so I was planning how to get back to you. I ended up climbing out of a window in the locker room, I ran through the field and jumped the gate at the back of the school. And then I got to you. I was going to tell you, I wanted to tell you.’

Regina wanted interrupt, to argue, to ask Emma why she didn’t. But if Emma was still like she was when they were teenagers then she knew that if she stopped Emma, the blonde wasn’t going to start again. So she remained silent and listened.

‘But then I saw you in the kitchen and all I just stood and watched as you danced and sang and cut ingredients and you seemed so happy and I didn’t want to stop that. I didn’t want to spend my last night with you depressed and angry. So I didn’t tell you. I decided I’d tell you after dinner but then we never actually got round to cooking the food, never mind eating it.’ Emma paused as she flushed slightly, remembering how they had ended up in Regina’s guest room rather than cooking.

‘And then we got to your door and I couldn’t tell you then and I just needed to kiss you so I did and I told you I love you and I couldn’t do it then either. I just couldn’t. I didn’t mean not to tell you but I didn’t know how to tell you. And then I told you on the phone. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted not telling someone something sooner more than how much I regretted not telling you I was leaving before that phone call. I also regret not telling you I love you sooner. I wish I’d said it when I first realised.’ 

‘Love.’ Regina whispered, interrupting Emma.

‘What?’  
‘Love, you never once said loved, you keep saying you love me, not that you loved me.’ Regina whispered, meeting Emma’s eyes for the first time since the blonde had started talking.

‘Yeah. That might be because I loved you then and I love you now. I never stopped loving you.’ Emma replied, flushing once more.

Regina could stop the small smile that formed on her face. It was comforting to know that she wasn’t in love with someone who had stopped loving her in return.

‘But anyway,’ Emma continued, still slightly flustered at the confession that she still loved Regina. ‘I told you I love you again, and I didn’t get the chance to see if you’d reply or not because MM ran up to me and I had to hang up, I didn’t want you to hear the way they spoke to me. MM was patronising and pissed that I’d kept her waiting for nearly nine hours and the foster mother was screaming at me and you didn’t need to hear that. And then you never answered your phone after that.’

Regina remembered that after she smashed her phone she just never went back to it, she spent nearly a month without a phone and then when she finally bought a replacement she changed her number, not wanting to be found by anyone, not Emma, not her mother, not even Kat for a while - no one.

‘Yeah. Phone troubles.’ Regina said. It wasn’t a lie exactly.

Emma looked at Regina, knowing it wasn’t the full truth. She always knew when Regina was lying.

Emma shrugged it off regardless, she knew she’d hurt Regina and had no right to be annoyed that Regina had vetoed her calls.

Regina looked at Emma, wondering if the blonde had anything else to say. When she was certain that Emma wasn’t going to add to her story just yet, Regina spoke up.

‘I wish you’d told me sooner, too. That you were leaving. I wish I’d known. But that night was so… perfect until we got to the end that I don’t want to have changed it. But I think I’d want to have known as soon as you did. I don’t know. I was always so certain that you should have told me sooner but now I’m here and I’m looking back at it properly, I wouldn’t have wanted to change that night either. It’s weird.’

Emma agreed. She had wanted to tell Regina sooner. She had. She regretted not telling the brunette sooner. But she was never sure if she’d have regretted not telling Regina sooner or telling her and not spending the night curled together in bed. She only knew that both would have hurt and that she couldn’t change the past.

‘What happened after you hung up?’ Regina asked, pulling her legs up and turning in the seat to face Emma completely. This had been one of the things Regina had thought about most after the phone line had gone dead that night – what happened next and was Emma okay?

‘I got back and my bag was already packed and waiting in MM’s car. I had no reason to go into the house so I didn’t. I got straight into the back of the car. I was crying and tired and angry and the next thing I knew MM had opened my door and we were at some group home a solid three hours away from where you lived. It was like 4 in the morning so all the others apart from the home’s mom were asleep. I wish they’d stayed asleep I fucking hated them so much. I spent six weeks there before I got moved on again for fighting with another foster kid. I spent a year and a half at the next group home. I could have left, gone out on my own but that would have meant fending for myself and dropping out of school and I wasn’t ready to do either. I was kicked out of that one for punching some lad at school for trying to grope me. And then I went to the last group home I was in. I stuck about long enough to get my GED. I never got to art school. I still draw and take photos but I never got to art school. I got my GED and left. I stayed until I could afford to move out.

Once I was out of the system I was determined to get to New York. Fresh start and all that. I spent two years saving up and then moved states and ended up sofa surfing for a while. That was two years ago. Some foster siblings had moved up here and I spent a year and a half moving between them all, working in Starbucks and then becoming a bails bonds person. Then I moved in here six months ago.’

Regina hated that the last six years for Emma had been so … turbulent, for a lack of a better word.


	7. Seven.

‘What about you?’ Emma asked, ‘What happened with you?’

 

‘I was angry. So angry. That night I smashed my phone and spent the night on the floor in the porch. I don’t know if I slept or not. I cut everyone off. I didn’t own a phone for a month and when I went to school I didn’t talk to anyone. Not even Kat. Ruby told her you were gone and she figured that’s what I was so angry about and gave me time to steam. After a month though she was fed up and forced herself into the mansion, she sat me down and made me eat properly and made me talk. At the time I hated her for it. I was so pissed off at her for bursting the bubble I had around myself but eventually I realised it was the best thing she could have done for me and I thanked her for it. I gave up cooking, I didn’t have a reason to cook in the evenings so I didn’t. I cooked enough to stay healthy but I didn’t experiment and the passion was gone. I was forced into counselling with Archie because the teachers were worried that I wasn’t proactive in school and thought I was going to kill myself. I wasn’t’ she added hurriedly at the look on Emma’s face.

‘He recommended law because id argue everything with him. I applied for law and was accepted. I passed the Bar last year and my mother set me up in some high up position in the company I’m in now. I hate it and I want to go bac to school to cook. At the moment, I’m only there because a load of rich, pompous, middle-aged men want my job and I refuse to give it to them.’

Emma laughed softly. Her stubborn Regina was still there.

‘How did you end up in New York?’ Emma asked, still not sure where New York fits into Regina’s story besides the fact that Regina was here and now.

‘I went to college here. I wanted to get out of Maine and ended up here. I’ve been here since I was nineteen. I kept the mansion, I could afford to.’ Regina said without thinking and then felt bad about doing so. Emma was living in a squalor room and Regina owned a Maine mansion and a penthouse in New York. Not that Emma knew about the penthouse yet.

‘I’d visit there some weekends for the first year, visit Kat and go riding but I stopped. It hurt too much. Kat lives there with Fredrick now.’

‘Freddie?’ Emma asked, remembering how Kathryn was the popular one, well, herself and Regina were the school’s dynamic duo. And Freddie was some tech-geek who no one really paid attention too. She hated that she didn’t know anything that had happened in Maine. She felt a bit odd at the fact that the place that she had lived and loved with Regina was being lived in by other people and she hadn’t known about it.

‘Yeah. He grew up. He’s a software developer. Kat loves him. He’s a really sweet guy actually.’ Regina mused. ‘But yeah,’ she said returning to her story. ‘I kept the mansion and moved here. I stayed in halls when I was at school but then as soon as I’d finished and was an actual lawyer I moved into my apartment. I’ve been there for a year now.’

Emma nodded.

They both found it strange that the last six years of their lives was being explained to the person they loved in a matter of sentences. They both sat silent for a moment, longing for the lives they could have had where they were part of one another’s sentences instead of just being told the outline of the others life.

They were both amazed at the fact that they’d spent two years in the same city, two years of Emma working in the Starbucks next door to the gym Regina visited often, and they had never crossed paths until then.

Regina realised that if she’d got to the gym later, or hadn’t worked out until the point her body needed caffeine or hadn’t stopped working out when she had done, then she wouldn’t have seen Emma that day. How odd, she thought, that if she had waited another ten minutes to order her coffee, her life would have stayed the same as it had been yesterday.

‘I thought you’d be angrier’ Emma whispered.

‘So did I’ Regina admitted.

They were both aware that the implication in what they had said was that they’d been thinking about one another. Neither minded. They were secretly just glad that they hadn’t been forgotten by the other.

‘Did you ever think we’d get here?’ Emma asked, genuine curiosity filling her voice.  
‘What? Talking calmly? No. I doubted I was ever going to see you again. Though that never stopped me thinking about what would happen if we did.’

‘And what did you think would happen?’ Emma asked.

‘I thought I’d shout. A lot. And id cry and id make you see how much you’d hurt me. Or id see you and it’d be like a Nicholas sparks novel and we’d let all our anger melt away and we’d kiss and everything would be okay. For some reason, I never imagined just sitting and talking about everything that had happened.’

Her throat hurt from the amount of talking she had done. And she was feeling light headed again. She didn’t know if it was from the fact she was here talking to Emma like an adult or if it was still because of the workout that morning. Either way she finally took a sip of her coffee. It was stone cold and she hated it but she drank it anyway.

‘I did.’ Emma muttered.

Regina spluttered on the coffee she had on her mouth and only just managed to stop herself from spitting it across the room. She managed to get the coffee down and looked at Emma with a questioning gaze.

‘You did?’

‘Sure.’ Emma said with a shrug. ‘In my head, it could have gone three ways. The two you described and this. I wanted it to be this the most. I wanted the opportunity to talk and to tell you I regretted what I’d done and that I was sorry. I am by the way. I am sorry that I left things the way I did. I wanted this the most because even if it wasn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel meeting and we never end up together again, I always believed that this would be our best chance at salvaging anything. A blazing row wouldn’t have solved anything. And being like a romance novel would have only delayed a fight, because we would have had the chance to just sit and talk and there’d still be anger and I didn’t want that. I just wanted to talk. To see what happens.’

Regina nodded slightly.

‘You’ve matured.’ She observed. Six years ago, Emma would never had suggested sitting and talking, she used her fists and the thinking followed a little too late afterwards.

‘Yeah, without you to remind me of the shit id do I had to balance myself out.’  
‘I’m glad.’ Regina said sincerely, happy that Emma had finally realised that there were other options than fighting everything out.

Regina stared at Emma. ‘What did you think would happen after we spoke like adults?’ she asked

‘Honestly, I don’t know. At first I used to think we’d get back together but now I’d just be happy to be your friend, it’s so good to talk to you again and I wouldn’t want to fuck that up by moving too fast. I mean. There’s six years of missing one another and I’ve no doubt you held a grudge against me for six years I mean. I never expected to even see you again, never mind sit and have a civil conversation.’

‘did you know its six years to the day?’ Regina asked.

‘Yeah. I didn’t want to go to work this morning because I knew it’d be six hours of me serving coffee and hurting more than usual. I always miss you more on this day of the year.’

Regina smiled softly.

‘I was the same. About the missing you bit. Not the not getting out of bed bit. I never sleep very well and I still sleep on the edge of the bed so I never mind getting out of bed. I went to the gym and worked out for four hours. It’s the reason I went into Starbucks. I’d worked myself into the ground and needed some caffeine to get myself back home.’

Emma looked at Regina for a moment.

‘Isn’t it odd how much we turned into one another over the last few years? I’m pretty level headed and think things through and I hate getting out of bed and now you don’t sleep and use your anger to fuel you.’ The blonde pondered allowed.

Regina allowed herself to laugh slightly. Emma was right, they had taken on traits of the other while they were apart without even realising they had done so until they were sitting next to each other.

The two women lapsed into silence once more. Neither knew what to say to one another, neither wanted to ruin the apparent truce they had formed in the last few minutes while they were talking. 

They didn’t know what they wanted to happen now. In their dreams this had ended in anger or an anger-fuelled relationship and so to be here, sitting quietly, looking at one another was something they hadn’t expected to happen. They were both glad, in some ways, that they had ended up here, talking, instead of walking away from one another as would have inevitably happened if either of the other two scenarios had happened. But they were also confused, and found small parts of themselves wishing there had been a massive argument because at least that way they would know where they stood with one another. 

Regina took another sip of the coffee and grimaced at the taste of it.

She heard Emma laughing slightly beside her and looked up, fixing Emma with her trademark arched eyebrow.

‘Why did you order it if you don’t like it?’ Emma asked.

‘I do. It’s just I usually drink it hot. Not stone cold.’ Regina replied with an eye-roll.

Emma couldn’t believe that within two hours they had gone from thinking about where the other was, how she was doing. To sitting beside one another in her room, rolling eyes in a non-malicious way.

Emma stood up and began walking to the front door. 

‘Well then, let’s get you a fresh coffee.’ She said with a somewhat teasing smile. She’d have offered Regina a coffee in the room if she had a kitchen but alas, all she had were the holes in the wall where appliances had been before they were ripped out and never replaced.


	8. Eight.

Regina watched Emma and after realising that the blonde wasn’t joking and nor was she going to relent, she picked up her gym bag and followed Emma. She waited at the top of the stairs as Emma dragged the front door shut behind them. 

‘I think you need a new door.’ Regina deadpanned from behind Emma.

Emma laughed. ‘There’s no point. There’s nothing in there worth stealing and I’m never in there. Also, the lease is up in a week. I’m moving out.’ 

‘I can’t believe you leased this place in the first place.’ Regina muttered as she followed Emma down the stairs. 

She watched as Emma ran down the stairs and launched herself from the fourth stair from the bottom and leaped over the rubbish. 

She laughed at the childlike way Emma was behaving, it reminded her of high school when Emma would never go down the stairs normally; she’d always run down them or jump from as high as she could. She had been a force to be reckoned with when it had come the triple jump in gym.

‘So, you still do that, then?’ Regina asked as she reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped over the rubbish. 

‘What? Oh. The stair thing? Yeah. I never broke the habit. It came in handy when I was jumping out of windows or whatever in the homes and now it helps me be a kick ass bails bonds person.’

‘Do you enjoy that? Being a bails bonds person?’

‘I love it.’ Emma paused as they stepped out of the alley she lived on and onto the sidewalk, joining the rush of people. 

She waited for Regina to fall into step beside her before she continued speaking.

‘It’s so good. I love the thrill, you know? I mean sometimes it gets nasty and the people get abusive but I’m more than able to take them on.’ She spoke animatedly, Regina loved the passion in Emma’s voice even if she was talking about bail bonds. 

‘It sounds like it suits you to the ground’ Regina replied, talking slightly louder than usual to make sure her voice carried over the bustle of the street they were walking on.

Regina went to turn into the Starbucks she had first seen Emma in before feeling the blonde pull slightly on the back of her coat. 

‘No, I know somewhere better.’ She said with a smile, pulling Regina away from the store and then walking up two blocks, her hand stayed resting on Regina’s arm the entire walk to the hidden coffee shop. They both realised but neither were bothered by it. 

Regina liked how natural it felt and Emma liked that Regina hadn’t pulled away or shook her off so neither did anything about it. Emma finally moved her hand away when she held the door open for Regina who stepped inside the building. 

‘I like this, how’d you find it?’ Regina asked, sitting in the booth in the far corner of the coffee shop.

‘Had to find somewhere to drink coffee on my days off that wasn’t Starbucks.’ Emma said with a shrug. ‘Stumbled across this place. It’s been my little hideaway ever since.’ Emma said as she sat opposite Regina.

After a few minutes of asking Emma what she recommended and what she wanted, Regina placed their orders, returning the coffee Emma had paid for that morning. 

Emma watched as Regina went over to the counter and found herself wondering what they looked like to other people. Did they look like friends? colleagues? Cousins? She knew they didn’t look like ex-girlfriends. That much was for certain. 

She didn’t know that everyone in there who had noticed herself and Regina had heard them discussing coffee options had listened to the way that Emma had said with utter confidence that Regina wouldn’t like one drink because it would be too bland for Regina’s palette, and that she should order the chilli hot chocolate instead, to which Regina had replied with a scoff and a ‘how would you know if it’s any good? Cinnamon is the extent of your spice tolerance, is it not?’ To everyone else in the coffee shop they looked like a couple. A couple completely in love with one another. 

Regina returned with their orders and took a sip of the hot chocolate that Emma had recommended.

‘So, what’s the verdict?’ 

Regina pretended to take a while to think about it.

‘Almost, almost as good as the hot chocolate I make myself.’ Regina said with a smile.

‘Good.’ Emma grinned before taking a sip of her own chilli-less hot chocolate.

The two whittled away hours, sitting and talking; beginning to flesh out the stories of the six years they had spent apart. 

By the time the manager had approached their table to tell them the shop was, unfortunately, closing, they had spent seven hours talking and had barely scratched the surface, there was so much that they suddenly wanted to tell the other, so much they wanted to know, that they had barely begun to cover their six-year separation.

Emma and Regina stood and apologised for keeping the lovely manager waiting on them to leave so she could go home. They stepped onto the street and were both startled a little at the darkness and the cold air after spending so long inside the cosy little coffee shop. They were also startled because they didn’t know what they were going to do now, were they going to part ways or find an excuse to spend more time with each other? 

Neither wanted to rush anything but neither wanted to part ways. 

The decision was made for them though when both of their mobiles rang at the same time. 

The snotty man who Regina had been in the middle of giving a formal warning when she had seen Emma and ultimately forgotten to reply to him was ringing to ask if Regina had, in fact, seen his email. Emma was being rang because someone wanted her to put up bail money to help release someone. 

They hung up their respective calls and looked at one another.

‘I should- ‘Regina started.  
‘Yeah, so should I’ Emma replied softly. 

Before Regina could move Emma took the brunettes phone and used it to dial her own number. 

‘Ring me soon.’ She said, her voice quiet though her eyes were hopeful. ‘I’d like to talk to you more. I promise I won’t drag you back to my room.’ 

Regina smiled ‘Of course I will.’

The two hovered for a moment, uncertain of what they should do. But then Emma stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the brunette. 

It was brief, though short enough for it not to be awkward. The hug was long enough for her to whisper ‘I missed you.’

Emma stepped back and Regina smiled.

‘I missed you too, Emma’ 

With that and a last, lingering glance at each other, they separated. They went in opposite directions though this time they knew that they would see each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love Always,  
> Sam.

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to go up yesterday as the last part of my 30k in 30 days thing because I wanted to try writing something weighty but my wifi cut out and i didnt notice until just. 
> 
> I'm posting it under Nov. 30 anyway.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you're all good!


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